Monday, January 31, 2011

How to Walk Down a Hallway

There are few things at a university that irk me more than slow walkers. I understand you don't have a class right now, but I do. GTFO of my way. Here's my handy little guide to travelling from place to place. 
1. Don't walk so fucking slow. I don't care where you're going or how much time you have to get there, please quicken your pace to more than 20 BPM. (beats per minute) Andante, the musical term for walking speed is 76 - 108 BPM. Speed up.
2. If you are going to walk slowly talking to your friends in a crowded hallway, go two and two. not all four abreast. Why? Because I'm moving faster than you, and when you walk four abreast I can't pass you. Nor can the people going in the opposite direction even walk by you. You're retarded and everyone hates you. This is negated if you and I are the only people walking through the hallway - I will likely have enough space to go around.
3. For those of you who are walking alone somewhere (no judging, I do this a lot) through an empty hallway, don't move around so that the person trying to pass can't. Basically, don't block people. (I had someone do this to me today - he somehow managed to take up the whole hallway all by himself. It was quite a feat.)
4. DON'T CUT CORNERS. You look like an idiot when you run into me while I have the right of way. When I am turning right around a corner, I will hug the corner. When I am turning left, I make a wide turn so I don't head on collide with someone. 
5. Walk on the right. I realize that in England, Australia and many Asian countries the left has right of way. Not in Canada. Walk on the right and I won't give you a pissy look. especially on stairs. Why the hell do you need to walk on the complete opposite side of the stairs anyways? I look like a bitch and I WILL run you down if you're on the wrong side.
Am I getting worked up over nothing? Maybe, but it REALLY  pisses me off, and if someone is willing to give me the space to complain, I will do just that.

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